Developer(s): HotStage
Publisher: Interactive Pictures
Released: 1994
Strip-Poker Pro is a digital version of draw poker, with the added inducement of playing against one of five models, trying to literally win the shirts off their backs. There are three women (Nadia, Jane, and Lucie) and two men (Michael and Max) to choose from, as well as an oddly ever-present host named Fred, who introduces you to the group and acts as the dealer for your games. Doesn’t strip poker feel like a more private endeavor? Besides Fred, there’s frequently ambient crowd noise playing during your games as if you’re doing all this in the middle of a busy party. Maybe it’s a French thing.
In common with the other strip poker game for CD-i, this is played without cards 2-6, though in this case it’s more recognizably a Piquet pack, which is a 32-card French variant. The reason I know that is because I was puzzled to see the ace card replaced with a 1, and to see the face cards labeled V, D, and R, so I did some research. I don’t think a Piquet pack is commonly used for poker, at least as far as I can tell, but it does increase how often you have a pair or more in your hand.
As if the Piquet pack wasn’t unusual enough, there’s one more glaring oddity with this software’s idea of poker: you can’t fold. Again, maybe this is a variant I’m not aware of, but it feels very odd, and as a consequence there’s also no bluffing. When you first start a hand, you can either bet or pass, and if both players choose to pass, you start a new hand. When this happens, the ante is carried over, though you both still have to ante again, gradually raising the stakes. If either player bets, the other player is forced to call or raise. After the first round is settled, players can exchange 0-4 of their five cards for new ones, and then there’s another chance to raise the bet or pass. In the second round, if both players pass, you do at least get to see each other’s cards and a winner is declared. What makes this quite annoying is that it allows one player to force the other to put a lot of money in, even when they have a terrible hand. And that one player with a good hand is usually the computer.
I’m perhaps not the greatest poker player, but this is a very difficult game. It took me 90-minutes of careful play against the same opponent before I even won three pieces of their clothing (every time a person goes below 0 in their pot, they can buy 100 points with an article of clothing). Time and again I would have either nothing or a pair of nines, and my opponent almost never had less than two-pair, and frequently had three-of-a-kind or a full house. It’s brutal, especially considering, again, you can’t fold. It’s not that I particularly need to see these low-resolution mid-90s models in the nude, but I’m trying to do my due diligence as a game reviewer and they were not making it easy on me. Considering the potential audience for this product, you’d think they’d tilt the odds in the player’s favor a bit.
At least the model is present throughout the game, unlike in its competitor, so if you do manage to actually disrobe them, you can enjoy their company as you continue to play. Though I found out the hard way that if they do very well they’ll buy their clothing back and get dressed again. Also, it’s a bit buggy in parts, like when I watched a video of a model removing her leggings, keeping on her bra and underwear, and when the game resumed she was fully topless. If there’s any fantasy being sold here, it doesn’t quite work, especially with Fred constantly popping up in a little video in the corner to either praise or console you after a hand. In the end, I’m torn on which one of the two ridiculously antiquated strip poker games to recommend. While Strip Poker Live is definitely a quicker path to nudity, Strip-Poker Pro is perhaps the overall more satisfying experience.
Graphics – 7
It’s a low bar to clear, but at least each model has a variety of poses holding a hand of cards while in various states of undress
Sound – 6
It’s nice that each model is uniquely voiced, but the stereotypical soft-core porn soundtrack and the obtrusive presence of Fred detract from the experience
Gameplay – 6
Between not being able to fold and the way it seems, rightly or wrongly, like your opponent simply gets better cards than you, this isn’t the most fun poker-playing experience
Value – 7
If you’re determined to see all five models completely nude, I imagine it could take many, many hours of play
Reviewer’s Tilt – 5
Neither satisfying as a poker game nor as an erotic experience, it at least partially sells the fantasy of being a sex-positive French person with a lot of silly, sexy friends (who are all terrific at poker)
Final Score – 6.0
The CD-i Completionist 